Gift Registry Remorse

So it’s been two years since Sebastien and I got married and I don’t regret any of it. Well, that’s not entirely true. I glance around my apartment at the array of gifts my friends and family gave us for our wedding and I can’t help but ask myself, why? Why did I ever think I was going to use a garlic press or make meals for 6-8 people in a crock pot on a regular basis. And what kind of a photo was I ever going to put in a frame the size of a window? 

And I blame nobody but myself.

Sure there were tons of web pages that offered how-to’s, top ten lists of what every home needs and suggestions on what to skip. Of course I chose not to listen to any of that practical advice, opting instead to openly mock these helpful sites and magazines. I even attended some events hosted by Macy’s and the Wedding Channel on how to build a wedding registry. But I was there for the free food and only scanned items when I thought an organizer was getting suspicious.

My carelessness and indifference wasted the time of my loved ones who wanted to get me a gift that I requested and it has caused quite a commotion in our humble home.

photo (13)From the day we opened our lovely set of Emeril pots and pans Sebastien has done nothing but bitch. They are stainless steel with an aluminum base so everything sticks to them. I tried to explain that I picked them out because they didn’t have any toxic chemicals in them but Sebastien said that he didn’t care. A few months later I bought him a non-stick pot and told him to take out a life insurance policy.

He also complains about the Crock Pot I asked for because I never use it and it’s taking up too much space in the kitchen. Its true. We only have enough counter space for a much needed coffee pot and block of cooking utensils. I eventually stuck it on top of the fridge. I did try to use it a week ago. I pulled it dow and blew off all of the dust and cobwebs that have been accumulating on it. I browsed through the book of recipes it came with and decided to make Lemon Chicken with Rosemary. But that was as far as I got. The recipe said to cook all of the food first and then stick it in the crock pot for 10 hours.  Clearly, the makers did not understand the point of a crock pot. Set it and forget it, right?

photo (14)And I should have asked for at least three sets of bed sheets and bath towels. I like to have extras on hand because neither Sebastien or myself likes to do laundry. And sometimes I like to use the sheets and towels tat we do own to clean up beverage spills and cat vomit. Don’t worry visitors, I promise the sheets are clean when you come. And all of the weddings gifts people have give to us are on full display, whether or not they’ve been used is another story.


About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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