The NeverEnding Question (and I don’t even get to ride on a giant dog)

So now that we’re married, people have been asking me when we are going to start having kids. My dad asked that question the day we announced our intent to get married.

And I’m still not sure how to respond.

With loving hope: “Oh sometime soon, dear.”

With utter despair: “My womb is a dark, sterile place that no one should have to visit.”

Or I could just play it straight: “It’s none of your damn business.”

So far, every time someone asks the question, I’ve managed to get around it. But, my friends forge ahead with their bizarre fantasy of playing with our unborn, unplanned child.

“It will be so much fun,” they say. “And that kid is going to be gorgeous.”

I wonder.

I suppose I would have a kid if I knew for sure that is was going to turn out just the way I want it. I mean having kids is risky. What if it comes out stupid or ugly or white. (I’ve already specified a preference for black babies.)

And aside from all of those concerns, I just don’t think Sebastien and I are mature enough to start having kids. Most nights we fight over who gets to pick the dinnertime TV show, so can you imagine the problems we’ll have if there were three of us? And frankly, I don’t like sharing.

For the record though, I did consider having a child once.

A few weeks ago Sebastien and I were waiting outside of a restaurant for brunch (a harrowing task for any New Yorker). While we were waiting, two women with a stroller approached the host requesting a table. “There’s a 10 minute wait inside and out,” the host said. “Where do you want to sit.” The girls looked at one another and agreed to sit outside. The host looked around. The only available table was a four seater that had been unoccupied since we arrived. There’s no way a restaurant will seat two people at a table for four.

The woman with the stroller followed the host’s gaze to the vacant table. “And we have a stroller, too,” she reminded. They got the table for four. The host took away two of the chairs to accommodate the stroller. And the women happily sat down to begin their dining experience.

“Woah,” I said. “We should have a child.” It was probably the first time I seriously considered that.

“Huh,” Sebastien said.

“Look at that,” I pointed to the two women seated at the table. “We could get a table anywhere in the city if we had a kid.”

Sebastien shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”

He’s probably right.


About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

3 responses to “The NeverEnding Question (and I don’t even get to ride on a giant dog)

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