Introducing…or maybe not

Everything is just about done for the wedding reception on Saturday night. It’s been a long time coming and now I’m a little bored. Makes me just want to call the whole thing off and rent a movie. But it’s not over yet.

The last thing I need to do is give the wording of our introductions to the DJ. But, I’ve got nothing. What do they normally say? I’ve been to several weddings, but I never paid attention to these details. I just clapped whenever everyone else started clapping, just like a trained seal.

This whole introduction thing could ruin an otherwise stress-free wedding.

Should it be something simple? And now, Amy and Sebastien.

How about, Introducing Amy and Sebastien

Those are nice, but not very effective at getting everyone’s attention. Maybe there’s a way we can have some sort of voice that everyone is familiar with and commands attention. Like a dictator or GPS or the Internet.

Maybe when we enter the room the night of the wedding, AOL can say, “Welcome, you’ve got mail.”

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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