Foot Offenders

Now that I have my dress for the wedding, I suppose I need to get a pair of shoes.

It’s painful to even think about.

I don’t understand what the big deal is with shoes or why there are so many options out there. I mean, a person just wears them to be comfortable and to keep from stepping on dirty needles. (At least that’s what my parents told me when I was younger.) So why are all of these designers going out of their way to create gaudy shoes that look like they belong in some dead rich ladies personal art collection instead of on a person’s feet?

For the wedding, I just need a pair of shoes that are comfortable to dance in. Nothing too high, though.

I’m still in training heels and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to move up. I’m certainly not ready for this:

But when I say comfort, I don’t mean UGG boots comfort. Those shoes just say to the world, “I give up on life and don’t care how I look.” Ugh is a sound of disgust or boredom so I don’t know when someone decided to slap that word on a pair of boots and trick the whole world into thinking they are fashionable. I mean look at them. People who wear UGG boots are just asking to be shot by a hunter. I bet the mogul that started this trend is having a good laugh at all of the people waiting outside of the UGG boots store on 5th Ave. I know I do.

UGG boots are just as bad as Crocs, except they won’t kill you if you ride an escalator.

Maybe I’ll just get a pair of Keds at Payless.

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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