My Secret is Out

As I clicked through the pages of items on the Macy’s wedding registry website, I realized there weren’t many things that we needed. After all, we have been living together for five years. So it didn’t make sense to ask for a new set of bedsheets when we already had three perfectly good pairs stuffed in our closet. And although nice, I really didn’t see myself making sweet tea or lemonade in a $245 glass pitcher.

I am a bit hesitant to ask for what I really want, though. As soon as I add those items to the registry, my secret will be out. Wedding guests are going to know that I need nose trimmers to eliminate unwanted facial hair or that I have a potential foot odor problem that can only be tamed by a turbo heated foot massage.

Maybe there’s a way I can just put a box with a question mark and a price on the registry and someone can buy it. Sure they won’t know if they’ve just bought me a Tiffany’s vase or contributed to my gambling habit, but they can rest assured that it is something I will truly cherish.

About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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