On Decorating the Venue

The coordinator at the reception site contacted me this morning about decorations for the venue. She said I should think about floral arrangements and centerpieces. I told her I already thought about floral arrangements and I don’t want them. Flowers just seems like another overpriced hassle. Plus, it is going to be winter time and I really want to give the place that cold, dead feeling.

I told the woman I liked candles or bowls of rocks for the tables. I also like wood and metal. Maybe some concrete slabs in the center of the table to get that real New York feel.

The woman said she would send me some photos of past decorations she has done for people and encouraged me to go with smaller flowers.

I just don’t get it, though. Why must flowers even enter the picture? I’ve had flowers for Valentine’s Day, graduations, days when I’m really sick. They’re most likely going to be all over the place for my funeral. I would just like one occasion before I die where flowers are not an integral part of the event.

Don’t get me wrong, I like trees and being in nature. But I go outside for that sort of thing. When I’m inside, I prefer that stale feeling one finds in government buildings or a therapist’s office.

To get the woman off the phone I told her I would make my own decorations. Then I hung up the phone and took an aspirin. I stared at the medicine bottle before I put it back in the cupboard. It was simple and straightforward with large lettering and a single color. I wondered if that would make a nice centerpiece.

About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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