Holding On

My sisters brought me a bouquet of flowers to hold during the wedding ceremony at City Hall. When my younger sister handed me the bouquet I handed it back to her. “Why don’t you hold onto these until we get inside the chapel so I don’t end up throwing them in the garbage,” I said. It was a nice gesture, but I already had a cup of coffee in my hand. There was just no way I would be comfortable holding so many things. And what if someone needed to see my ID?

I don’t understand why women have to hold a bouquet of flowers when they walk down the aisle anyway. Most of these women go through painstaking efforts to purchase an elaborate wedding gown that costs hundreds of dollars only to cover up a portion of it with some flowers that I can easily find at the bodega.

And flowers are so distracting in the event of an emergency. How is a beautiful bride going to manage if there is a fire in the reception hall? She certainly can’t take off her high heels to run out of the building and hold onto a bouquet at the same time. It’s a death trap.

If a person wants to stick with tradition, though, I think there are other more useful things that a woman can be holding as she walks down the aisle.

a cup of Starbucks coffee

a cigarette

a book or newspaper in case she gets bored

Image courtesy of Offbeat Bride

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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