Choose Your Own Ceremony

Last Friday Sebastien and I signed our marriage license at the City Clerk’s Office. We went down to the government building in the morning with my parents, took a number just like the paper tickets you take at the bakery and waited for our number to be called. The ceremony took all but five minutes and then we took romantic photos in front of the cardboard picture of City Hall. After that, Sebastien took the subway to work and I had breakfast with my family. It was as boring as watching an ice cube melt and thus exactly what Sebastien and I had hoped for. My friends and family who weren’t present, however, expect to hear a tale of adventure or romance when they ask me to recount the events of that special, once in a lifetime morning. But there really is nothing more to say. So I thought the best thing to do would be to create a choose your own ceremony just like the adventure books so that everyone can fantasize about the glorious day that wasn’t.

You and the love of your life go down to City Hall to sign a marriage contract. You stop and get two cups of coffee and a cheese Danish on your way to the subway. Your dad is there too, but he says he is not hungry. Everyone goes down into the subway station to board the train, You ask the love of your life to hold the coffees and Danish while you get out your metro card.

If you believe the love of your life puts arsenic in your coffee when you aren’t looking, turn to page 9.

If you decide to skip out on the marriage to join a traveling group of sideshow freaks, turn to page 8.

If you feel like your dad is going to pick a fight with the train conductor and take over driving the train, turn to page 10.

Feel free to elaborate on these themes or request a continuation of a particular story. The choice is YOURS.


About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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