Get Ready to Party

I recently read an article about the latest event among pregnant women: gender reveal parties. I imagine a group of hens poking at their friend’s abdomen in feigned excitement. The friends wasted a Saturday afternoon to drive to some cookie cutter suburban home for an announcement they could have heard over the phone or by email. And of course they spent $30 on some crap gift because these kitschy parties always come with an annoying gift registry. I mean what is the point? Are we so depressed that we have to hold a party to celebrate the minutiae of everyday life? Might as well start having parties for grandma every time she has a bowel movement.

I don’t like parties much. As a general rule, I don’t hang out with people much. All of that forced socialization and feigned interest. People always ask the same question about the same topic because they want to feel interested in another person. But really, who cares?

Friends have asked if I am planning on having a bridal shower or bachelorette party to drag this whole ordeal out even more. But again, I don’t really see the point. It would just mean more planning on my part and more of the same answer to the same question that everyone is asking me these days: How is the wedding planning going? To which I respond, good. And then we stand around looking like idiots until someone asks another question.

But in the interest of participating in society, I have prepared a list of parties I can manage before the wedding:

Read a book party

Take a nap party

Stare at a wall party

Free play party

I probably won’t send out invitations, but I’ll let everyone know if I sign up for any gift registries for the occasion.

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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