Wedding Day Hot Air

I was reading through a bridal magazine the other day and I came across an interesting tip for saving money. The writer advised to decorate the venue with balloons instead of flowers. I was intrigued for a moment. I mean, just think of how much fun it would be to have a tank of helium at my wedding. I could also act as helium dealer for the night. I’ll charge $5 for a hit. Maybe I’ll throw in a discount card…buy 5 hits and get one free.

And there will be some rules. If you’re going to make a speech, it must be done on helium. And we will have to find some way to cool the helium and then use the liquid form to cryogenically freeze someone or something.

Of course, we weren’t planning on having flowers at our wedding anyway so I guess we would be in the hole if we sprung for balloons and a helium tank. Not to mention the bail if anyone’s lungs burst and hemorrhage as a result of the gas entering the body too quickly. Then there’s the lawyer fees, hospital fees and hush hush money to keep Grandma quiet.

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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