Where Nice Dresses Go to Die

OK, I haven’t purchased my dress yet, but I’m a little concerned about what I am going to do with it afterward. I know a lot of women like to keep their dress in a clothes bag in the closet, and I never understood why. Perhaps they want to wear it around the house to take advantage of the continuous supply of gifts their Alzhemier’s suffering parents bring every time they stop by. It might also be good to have around if a woman needs a last minute dead zombie bride Halloween costume. Or, the woman might want to have the dress handy in case their man runs off so they can quickly get remarried to make their now ex-husband jealous.

Despite all of those possibilities, I don’t think I’ll be holding on to whatever dress I find. We live in a small apartment so every square inch counts. There’s a loft, too, which is where I usually just throw stuff I don’t want to look at, but it’s getting pretty crowded up there.

So, here’s what I think I am going to do with the dress once the wedding is over:

I will probably take out a life insurance plan beforehand, as a nice send-off to Sebastien in case anything happens to me.

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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