How to Forget About Pampering Yourself

I think my engagement ring is stressed out or extremely tense. The ring didn’t tell me that because, well, it’s a ring and can’t communicate. It’s not even a living thing. But according to an ad for a PINK Sparkle Spa, my ring deserves a relaxing full body treatment

The product is described as an ultrasonic cleaner that safely and effectively removes and cleans dirt and grime using state-of-the art ultrasonic wave technology. Right, because my ring gets dirty from all of the gardening I do out of my tiny apartment window. What do you really need to clean a ring for anyway? Do brides-to-be get all dolled up to go noodling or to disembowel pigs on the farm?

Of course, I could have used a special offer for a 60-minute massage in the city. But who cares about that when there are material possessions to tend to.

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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