The Essential Yet Often Overlooked Bridal Underwear

With all of the crap wedding planning fashionistas heap on brides — slips, hosiery, corsets, personalized wedding dress labels  — it’s no wonder there is also talk about underwear.

Your wedding is one of life’s defining moments for you and your family and friends, and memories of the special day will be carried in your heart and on display forever. So remember all the details of your wedding dress–don’t forget the essential, yet often overlooked, bridal underwear, one website states. I imagine a TV ad might show a young bride whose dress is lifted up by turtle doves to reveal that special pair of panties.

But any of the frilly junk that these websites advertise is just too much. Neon-colored spandex is frightening and lace will make me itch more than my last yeast infection.

And I will never understand the g-string. I wore it a few times in my teenage years when I was trying to find my identity. But the thongs just caused more problems in my life. It’s like an already wedgie. And then you’ve got the string that rubs against the front and the back…anyone walking around like that is just asking for trouble.

I haven’t really thought about the underwear I will pick out for my wedding day. I guess I just assumed it was going to be a pair of the cotton Calvin Klein underwear I have been wearing for the past 5 years. I certainly didn’t plan on going out of my way to buy something new. And if I forget to do a wash or for some other reason I can’t wear them, I might pull a Sherri Shepherd and enjoy the breeze.

I went through a period of not wearing any underwear. I had just stopped doing drugs at the time so I was looking for creative ways to get a rush. It was also the year that I started a winter bicycle gang with a friend of mine and I had to eliminate underwear to cut down on the noticeable bike sweat. But that period in my life is over and getting used to it again for one special day might be hard.

So now, 6 months prior to my wedding date, I am left asking myself, What kind of underwear defines me? I could go with silk to be classy, but I think I’m a cotton girl. Old-fashioned, reliable and low maintenance.

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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