At Macy’s Bridal Registry Event

Macy’s is huge and I could have been side tracked by any number of items including boots, lingerie or deep fryers as I rode the escalator to the eighth floor to register for the Sip and Scan Bridal Event.

When I arrived, a handful of couples were already milling about the floor looking at various plate sets and vases. The woman at the registration table handed me a registry checklist with over 100 listed items and a scanner and I was set to go. But first, I stopped at the snack bar for some food and drink. I lingered around the chocolate truffles for as long as I could before I feared that one guy was going to start asking questions because I was there alone.

So I headed for the plates and bowls section. There was setup after setup of fine dinnerware which included appetizer plates, dinner plates, salad bowls and cups in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. I thought of the movie Fight Club, and asked myself, What kind of dinnerware defines me as a person? There was the Sango Dinnerware in Malibu Green if I wanted earth tones to match my skin and hair color, the Portmeirion Dinnerware, Botanic Garden Collection for an escape from city life or the Charter Club Dinnerware, Grand Buffet Gold Silhouette Square for when I’m feeling pretentious. It was too bad there wasn’t a black collection for those days when I’m severely depressed or a year-long supply of paper plates when I’m in a lazy mood (or too depressed to clean). I overheard one woman discussing her preference for bone over white with her fiance and was happy for Sebastien for not having to endure this.

I moved along.

The bedding and bath section on the 6th floor blew my mind. No, I’m serious. There are so many things I don’t know about bath towels and I need to find an expert to show me what I am doing wrong. All my life I’ve dried off with one towel. But, according to the brand Charter Club, I should be using a bath towel for my larger appendages and a hand towel and fingertip towel for the implied body parts and of course the wash towel. (How many towel racks are in the average American household bathroom?)

I’ll admit there was an awful lot of eye candy in the store, but when am I really going to use a Salt&Pepper Bank, Oinks! Aviator Piggy Bank or a Kosta Boda “Catwalk” Figurine Collection? And what person in Manhattan has enough room to store all of this crap?

Overall, the experience kind of made me depressed, as the paradox of choice theory goes. And it made me realize that what I really want is a bigger apartment.

And maybe this:

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About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

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