When I see advertisements for wedding favors, I’m reminded of those cheap plastic goodie bags parents gave out to kids who attended their son’s or daughter’s birthday party. The bags were full of crap like those sticky hands that ripped apart after the first time you tried to use them, spinning tops and plastic whistles, which were usually confiscated minutes after kids took them out of the bag. For me, goodie bags were the most disappointing part of birthday parties and now they have come back to bite me in the adult ass.
On top of inviting people to an evening of fine dining and dancing — and did I mention the four hours of open bar service — etiquette dictates that I offer guests small gifts as a gesture of appreciation. And the gifts are just as tacky as the ones I was getting when I was eight.
One wedding favor site advertises La Tour Eiffel bottle openers. Admittedly more practical than paper fans and tuxedo mints, but let’s face it, people are going to get really drunk and try to open already opened bottles of alcohol at the wedding because there will be a bartender whose job it is to open wine bottles.
Another site suggests to give guests bubble tubes for endless hours of fun. Each tube is 4 inches long and made of glass so it could be used as a makeshift crack pipe in case Grandma needs to get her fix. But other than that, I can’t think of what the rest of my friends and family are going to do with them. Throw them in the garbage is my guess. I’m willing to bet that’s where most of this stuff ends up after a wedding if it makes it out of the reception hall.