As is the case with most couples, I let down my guard when I moved in with Sebastien. I would openly emit PDGs (Public Displays of Gas) and I had no shame if he entered the room when I was elbow-deep in a nose pick. It gave us an opportunity to witness one another’s idiosyncrasies and decide if this was really what we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. I personally think this method is a lot better than the old go steady for a few years and move into a newly bought house on the night of the wedding. Imagine if you move in with the guy and then discover that he’s a blood sucking vampire or that he prefers to spend his evenings dancing around to polka music in his underwear. Don’t think it can’t happen.

For the most part I’d say Sebastien and I are transparent about how we live our lives. But there are still some things he doesn’t know about. And I do hope to take them to the grave.

I still don’t understand what he does for work. Something to do with computers. When he brings up computer viruses and algorithms at dinner I usually imagine microorganisms attacking The Letter People.

I like Star Wars episodes 1, 2, and 3 more than 4, 5, 6. (I anticipate a lot of flak from his friends that are reading this.)

I will probably never run for president of the U.S. He’s got some weird fantasy of that happening.

I do not actually know how to speak Klingon. A quick google search usually provides the right Klingon response to his bizarre text messages. And it always seems to amaze him.

I keep stashes of cookies and candies strategically placed around the house so I won’t have to share.







About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

4 responses to “Secrets

  • Steve

    “I like Star Wars episodes 1, 2, and 3 more than 4, 5, 6. (I anticipate a lot of flak from his friends that are reading this.)”

    I don’t understand what you’re talking about. They only made three movies, didn’t they?


  • Mrs. Frankenscience

    See, you are part of the problem.

  • Steve


    The only problem I see is that someone is trying to claim that three movies that should never have even existed (and indeed in my world don’t) are somehow superior to the CLASSICS of movie-making that preceded them by two decades. This kind of nonsense is precisely the kind of thing up with which I shall not put, and that’s exactly why I’ve prevented my Amy (not you) from watching any of the movies except the original one, which I have the laserdisc transfer of, and crap… I’ve said too much, haven’t I?

    As for the President of the US thing, I’m pretty sure he just wants to be First Lady.

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