Wedding Necessities

We attended a tasting at Bank Street Events to sample the food before we finalize the wedding package. The place was set up in style with nice tablecloths and place settings and votive candles on the tables. I’m not sure these items are in our budgeted wedding package, though, so let’s consider it B.Y.O.C.P.S. (Bring Your Own Candles and Place Settings). There were six or seven other couples there for the tasting and fortunately we all sat at our own tables with our respective partners. I was worried that all of the couples would be at the same table for forced socialization. Whip out the fake smiles and talk about how excited you are about the big day, inserting random squeals of delight into the conversation. I’m happy, but come on.

The place is two stories so I was thinking Sebastien and I could swing down from the second floor to greet our guests on our wedding night. It could be like what they do in the new Spider Man show on Broadway, minus the accidental deaths and all.

Here are some other things I decided I wanted at the wedding:

Ironically insincere smiles. We somehow got on the subject over dinner that night. Practice yours now.

Corn fritters, although I’m not sure Bank Street’s idea of corn fritters is the same thing as mine. It’s a straightforward recipe: deep-fried balls of sweet corn. Fattening and delicious. However, the chefs at Bank Street seem to think that corn fritters are made with some fancy pants truffles — a food product I have never quite understood because it could be either a mushroom or a cooking oil or a chocolate treat — dipped in some funky sauce that increases the wedding package price by $10/person. Don’t worry though, I promise to have this worked out before the wedding. There will be corn fritters or there will be blood.

The theme song to Twin Peaks because it fits so well with the atmosphere of the place. And because the show is amazing. I would give anything to settle in Twin Peaks once Sebastien and I are married. Sadly, the town does not exist.

Let me know what you would like at the wedding.


About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

6 responses to “Wedding Necessities

  • elizabeth devita-raeburn

    a) i have to make these corn fritters (your version, not the fancy pants ones)

    b) if you do go with the twin peaks music you must find a way to have a swinging traffic light as part of the decor, as well…and you might consider cherry pie instead of wedding cake…

    • Mrs. Frankenscience

      Great idea for the traffic light. Be careful with the corn fritters, though. If you don’t have a proper deep fryer the oil will splatter all over the place.

  • Andrew Zadarnowski

    You two are engaged?! Is NYC something of a black hole of information where no news leaves? I feel out of the loop.

    Big congratulations to the both of you! I look forward to reading many cynical blog posts on wedding preparation, and remember, if you ever need the perspective of someone already scarred by the wedding planning process, don’t hesitate to probe the memories that I have repressed deep into my psyche. My wedding was over a year ago. It still burns.

    • Mrs. Frankenscience

      Wow, Sebastien really slacked on passing the news. New York wedding planning info has awakened the cynical side of Amy Kraft, a side that has been locked up for far too long. And yes, I remember your wedding. I spent a lot of time on the dance floor with one young lad until he tried to look up my dress. More anon.

  • Andreas

    I just wanted to say that I couldn’t agree more – Twin Peaks is the best – and I would also settle there with Jacquie if it existed. North Bend & Snoqualmie, WA, are where the pilot was filmed, but I doubt you’ll run into Norma or BOB anytime soon even if you moved there.

    (That being said, we’re considering a move to Seattle one day and that’s just like an hour away or so. For visiting.)

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