The Guests and the Guest-nots

Since I started planning my wedding, I have decided to categorize my friends. There are two groups: those I will spend roughly $120 on and those I will not.

Here are some things I considered when determining which group to place each friend in:

What you are like drunk. (I just can’t handle blackout drinkers who stand in the bathroom sobbing uncontrollably all night.)

Whether or not you will judge me for the time I accidentally flashed those two old men.

How well you tolerate my constant bailing on fun activities.

How you responded when I informed you that I was recently engaged. (One girl used the opportunity to complain that she was still single. She moved from the maybe category to the definite no.)

If you have ever cleaned up my puke. (Two of my friends have, one of those two I have sadly grown apart from.)

Your taste in gifts.


About JadedBride

Amy Kraft is a print and radio journalist based in New York. Her work has appeared in publications including Scientific American, Discover, Popular Science, The Week, Psychology Today, and Distillations, a podcast out of the Chemical Heritage Foundation. She is currently working on a book of humor essays. View all posts by JadedBride

One response to “The Guests and the Guest-nots

  • TravelingHatter

    Do I make the grade, uh guest list? First of all, I am not a blackout drunk. Even after tipping back a few, I have the ability to maintain self-awareness. Second, I do not judge you and I tolerate your sometimes “out of the box” activities because I am your mother and I love you unconditionally. Third, I became overly excited and accidentally hit your grand mother in the face when you announced your engagement because I am “over the moon” happy for you and Seb. And, finally, dear, I have cleaned up your puke many, many times when you were a child.

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