Me: So I weighed myself at the gym today and I lost one pound.
Sebastien (looking unimpressed): Well a shit weighs about a pound so that doesn’t mean anything.
Me (angry): Well you just took a one pound dump on my head.
Sebastien: But it’s true.
Me: Why do you always have to negate every good thing that happens to me?
Sebastien (sincere): I’m sorry, you’re right. Congratulations on losing one pound. You really needed to lose weight.